Cycling to Paris

two in one day. there's a rare sight.

instead of writing out a "make it up as you go along" blog, i'm going to copy and paste what i was just telling anya about how i like to be away from home (it may seem a bit naive):

anyaaarrr ♥ doe eyed boy says:
i like things small safe lovely sweet and happy
siôn says:
don't you ever feel like that holds you back?
anyaaarrr ♥ doe eyed boy says:
no not really
anyaaarrr ♥ doe eyed boy says:
i know it sounds like.. close minded
anyaaarrr ♥ doe eyed boy says:
but im not really
anyaaarrr ♥ doe eyed boy says:
i just dont want to be all ~adventurous~ really, it does nothing for me particularly
siôn says:
i don't see going to different places as being adventurous
siôn says:
to me, adventurous is going somewhere else and trying to intergrate with the people or community or whatever
siôn says:
like a complete shift of environment
anyaaarrr ♥ doe eyed boy says:
well going off repeatedly is adventurous, as in not really having the constant security of home life if you get what i mean??
siôn says:
i suppose
siôn says:
but some people, in a strange way, would feel more at home by being away from any problems they have
siôn says:
like if you live normally in an environment where you feel stressed out or whatever, sometimes being away would make you feel better because you're no longer in that areasiôn says:
i don't know
siôn says:
it all boils down to personal preferenceanyaaarrr ♥ doe eyed boy says:
yeah
anyaaarrr ♥ doe eyed boy says:
do you feel stressed at home?
siôn says:
not so much stressed, more un-familiar
siôn says:
like, when i was growing up, i had a really sheltered childhood, but now, i can see how my parents hurt each other when they argue, i can see how things affect everyone's morale when something goes wrong financially, so that's why i like being away from home
siôn says:
not that those things happen often, but they've happened enough times to make me realise that everything's not as you would like it to be
siôn says:
which might sound naive, but it's just how i feel

a must see.

wow. this is blog #14, and it's on the 14th of february. how strange.

happy valentine's day to all who see this. everyone else can have a reasonably average day.

only yesterday did i come back from berlin, and yet it feels like it was ages ago. although i'm not entirely sure as to whether i liked the place or not, i miss it. or i miss being away from home. and i miss that sodding pillow which was shite, but i became accustomed to. man, i am tired - probably some form of jet lag.

berlin, as a city, was a very strange place to be only because you can see the conflict between what it was and what it is trying to become. you can walk down a street and see a brand new car shop, but next door will be some office block built in the 50s with mouldy curtains. i also got the feeling that it's trying to be something it's not; trying to compete with the other capitals of europe. i don't say this regarding to the people. although there are some really odd people there, they are to be admired because despite the troubles they have encountered, they seem to be able to continue on with their lives despite living in a place where the unemployment is as bad as when hitler came to power and despite living in a place where their government are furiously spending money that they don't have.

i think berlin is also a very hard place to take in. there are many aspects to enjoy, like potsdamer platz and the like, but only 10 or 20 years earlier, where the massive complex stands today was a barren death strip seperating the east from the west. and like my sister said, it's a city that contradicts itself. like the jewish memorial, which i thought was fantastic. you see the numerous lines of black marble blocks that form the memorial to represent the fear of living in berlin and germany back in the 40s as a jew, and then across the street you see a dunkin donughts. and the chain "kaiser's". that has reduced the title of ruler of germany to some obscure supermarket chain.

(if you don't like graphic imagery, then skip the next paragraph.)

and then there was sachsenhaus. possibly the most disturbing experience of my life, but well worth visiting. this may sound wrong, but it wasn't particualrily the ways in which the nazis tortured and murdered the prisoners, as sick as those ways were, but it was more the complete lack of reason and nonexistence of sense shared by every nazi soldier, guard or person of any position there. like the babies. our tour guide, who was really good, said how if there twin babies with say a brown coloured eye and and a blue coloured eye in the camp, the so called "doctors" would take them away, kill them and then cut the babies in half to examine the differences between the half of the body with the inferior brown eye and the arian half of the body with the blue eye. and they also used to conduct experiments like cutting people's arms off to see how long it would take them to die or lying to people by saying they'd be given freedom if they jumped out and tested the parachutes at 1, 000 feet, but they'd take them to 10, 000 feet instead and make them jump from there - this would lead to the people to explode under the air pressure, so the remains of the dead bodies would be the real test dummies for the parachutes. some of the other techniques they came up with for killing the prisoners were disturbing simply because they seemed to be made by someone who would enjoy aiming sunlight at an anthill through a lens. it really was an experience that you could not enjoy, but everyone should visit a concentration camp. it really makes you realise that these things did happen.

(graphic bit over)
another sad thing about sachsenhaus was the old czeck man who goes there everyday to talk to the tourists about his own and the other prisoner's experiences because he feels it is his duty as a survivor to let people know and because he feels like unless he tells the stories, no-one else will.

it was very interesting to have the tour guide we did, because he was german and his grandfather was someone who was connected to the camp, so you might expect him to feel guilty for what happened, but he said when asked if he feels guilty about what happened, he says no, not guilty, but instead he feels that it is partly his responsibility to make sure that nothing like this ever happens again. that was re-assuring to hear.

the trip to berlin was a strange experience on many levels, but given the chance, i would have no hesitation to go again.

and so, on valnetine's morning, i leave you to try and sleep. night.

a quick note to myself.

when in berlin, buy the Tomte CD that had the orange cover. if not, then download Eine Sonnige Nacht.

also, listen to last.fm radio more often.

tell you what, french chocolate is weird. it's like chilli chocolate without the chillis. to know what i'm on about, you need to have tried chilli chocolate.

today. a strange day. i woke up and spent 3 hours in what i'd slept in last night before changing my bed and putting up the six nations wallchart. then i finished off a whole bar of the french chocolate (a feat which will be repeated very soon). and then it was time - the six nations had began. the anthems of ireland echoed around croke park, and always i had that speechless feeling when i hear ireland's call. but that was as good as it got. geordan murphy demonstrated time and time again today how to butcher opportunities to score tries. i hope for ireland's sake jerry flannery's ban is lifted, cause simon best was off form today. bernard jackman did alright, but to be honest, he didn't have much to work with. trimble's off-load to girvan dempsey was sheer class. as was vainikolo's to flood at twickers. i was ashamed after the first half. considering we have shaun edwards, one of the greatest defence coaches in rugby today, the defence in the first half was shite. and it didn't really improve in the second half. we were just lucky that most of the england team went off injured and the rest had what i can only imagine to be a nervous breakdown. except for haskell. to be fair, he was outstanding today. he's a tank, and i fear teams like england and scotland because they have forwards like haskell: big and brutal players - and they know it. we, however, are gifted with lazy forwards that prefer to think they're backs.

maybe that's a bit harsh. ok, i'll admit, the last 10 - 20 minutes of the match was impressive, but today's game was won by the backs. i thought lee byrne had a really good game, and i would've thought that he deserved man of the match more than hook. and phillips had a great 20 minutes at the end. i was shouting at the tv after he charged down gomarsall for the second time. and then i thought he'd fucked it up after he missed the hack-on. but, i was wrong lol. so, yeah. all in all a good day for the celtic nations. better for us than the irish, but still - a win's a win. and we're top of the table. and the best part is england are at the bottom - beneath italy. woop!

i need to go to VO next time i'm in paris. my parents got me an animal top when they were there from wednesday to friday, and it's one of the coolest bags i've ever seen. it's got a kid pegged on a clothes line, a buddha and some barechested ladies. what more could you want, lol?

i lied. tonight, i need a shower.

a rare treat for you people: a picture of my new guitar.

apologies on the quality of the picture, and i'll try and get a better one up soon.

long time no speak.

i love the french language. it's free-flowing, great to have little conversations in, and fun to insult each other with. but i hate my french teacher - with a vengeance. she's a kind-of good teacher, but she is, well, a crap teacher. she has the mother of all mood swings and she seperates the sylfaenol people from the rest of us, as if there's something wrong with them.

i might have a go on cool boarders 3 in a bit. lol, what a game. one of my favourites. i really want to learn to snowboard. it would be very cool, cause to be honest, how many people can honestly say they snowboard? no-one i know can snowboard. so yeah. snowboarding. one day.

on saturday, i had my first practice with the new band. the problem is that the guy that thinks he sings for us. the long and the short of is that we don't want him to sing for us because he has a history of fucking up. but we don't really want to chuck him out over nothing, cause that would be unjustified and rude. so we need to do that at some point. and we need to name the band... but going back to the practice, it was quite good, and even though we only really managed to work on one song due to time restrictions, it was productive and fast. and i had a chip bap, which always helps. we just had to spend ages working on what would be our verse, and after several attempts, i think we've got a verse. i could be wrong, mind you.

and i'm now a 16 year old, which isn't as good as it used to be, but still, it beats 15. and i've got a big hole in my fence lol.

i need to go shower.

things are gradually getting worse for me. schoolwise, i'm fine; up to speed on everything. but i don't have a clue as to what's going on in my personal life. it's all a fucking mess. it's like i'm stood there, watching everything fuck up around me, and i know it's happening, but i don't know what to do. and girls aren't worth the effort. 100% effort = 0% response. takes the piss.

i sound like a bitter and twisted old man. surprising, cause i'm only in my teens.

i really can't be bothered with talking to girls though. or the girls i like anyway. i need to lighten up.

and mark ronson is showing me the way lol. mark ronson + kasabian = part-time happiness.

here i am, rock you like a hurricane.

lol. damn right.

i need a holiday. anywhere. sharpish.

until 2 minutes ago, i'd forgotten how good smoke on the water is. i'm tired. i think that big rant has dried up my talking resources. i can't think of anything, except for moaning.

i haven't even got the get-go to moan.

anyway, that concludes tonight's exciting broadcast.

actually, no it doesn't.

i had a new song idea for the new band, and i'm quite happy with it. it's similair to banquet, but not as dramatic. i have a love/hate relationship with audacity. when i was recording the song idea, it picked up the first guitar really well, but when i did the second guitar, it was crap. if anyone wants to hear it, go here. so yeah, excuse the not so good sound quality on the second guitar.

perhaps you're wondering how on earth could i follow up the rant below?

i will at some point, don't worry. but not today. no, today's post is dedicated it to Israel Kamakawiwo'Ole. i only found about him today, but from what i've seen the guy was cool. he was from the coolest place, hawaii, and he played a ukelele. what more could you ask for?

to be honest, i was surprised after watching like a tribute video because it showed the scattering of his ashes, and the amount of people that were out in the water as it happened was impressive. it was nice to watch: all the people out on their surfboards.

so, there we go. another post draws to a close.